Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Charlotte's 3rd Angel Day

Happy Mardi Gras from Boofus,
Queen of the Beads

Sometimes even though I can't see two of my girls here on earth I can still feel them near. Online these moments are sometimes known as "tinks". I've never been a huge fan of the term, but last night it was quite fitting. I posted a picture of Charlotte on Facebook and mentioned that this night marked the 3 year anniversary of the worst night of my life. And so last night I went to bed thinking of that night, of the terrible phone call that changed everything, of the bright lights and blood and puffing oscillator. And then, as I lay there in the dark with my phone on the window sill, suddenly the room lit up and there was a little musical chime. Turns out it was both my phone and the ipad lighting up to alert me of a new comment on Facebook, and a chime to accompany it. Every time I found myself falling deep into memories of that awful night, the room would light and the chime would interrupt my thoughts to remind me that someone was thinking of Charlotte and sending her and I thoughts through the dark night. And soon, instead of thinking of that one night of terror and grief filled moments I was thinking of other moments, moments when Charlotte was being Charlotte. Grinning in a pile of Mardi Gras beads, chewing her bottom lip and watching the world go by from her car seat, laughing as the school bus lifted her on board for another fun exhausting school day, yanking my earrings and giving me slobbery kisses, sticking her fingers up my nose, rolling on the floor from toy to toy, smiling ecstatically when we pulled the blankets around her at night, glaring sideways at her new baby sister and attempting to bite her head as we scrambled for the camera to catch this spontaneous sister "hug." And every time I heard the chime last night or this morning I would smile and think "Tink!"
Thank you for being there for us and remembering Charlotte, aka Chuck Money Millionaire. I feel Charlotte, Lily, and all of you near.

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Happiest Place...?

pretty much our best Disney pic. Woo.

Lily's First Angel Day was on Monday. As you may recall, we were in Disneyland with friends over her first birthday, and our season passes are about to expire, so we used those reasons to justify a quick family trip to our beloved D-land to spend time together and remember Lily. Here's a quick overview.

(Superbowl) Sunday: Had a breakdown at church due to combined influences of horrid toddler behavior and remembering last Superbowl Sunday morning when Lily left us. Marched Ella home, popped her in bed and went to sob in my bedroom. Hearing me sob put Ella into hysterics so she came in and we snuggled and sobbed together until we both fell into a red puffy nap.

Later: Piled in the "little red car" to head to D-land having chosen to take the Yaris to save on gas. Borrowed friend's portable DVD player. Ava has hidden Tangled and Charlotte's Web somewhere in my mother's house. DVD player won't play scratched up Mickey show. Stop at Shopko, buy Winnie the Pooh and Wall-E. Still won't play. Decide to go all the way to Vegas instead of stopping at family's house in St. George, due to the DVD issue. Girls mourn loss of movies, fight over Ipad, cry, fall asleep.

Monday: Ella wakes up with her eyes glued shut with goo. Is terrified when cannot open eyes. Leave "Big Castle" hotel, drive to Primm, eat McDonalds breakfast, Ella looks like this:

So straight out of Outbreak.

Drive to California. Girls alternate between screaming wildly and sleeping, except when listening to Bollywood type rendition of "Teddy Bear Picnic" on my Ipod 30 times. Get a little slap happy. Arrive at Portofino Inn and Suites, check in, room is ready, HOORAY! And Bed Bug check negative! Uh-oh, no fridge or microwave in room, that's just in the suites. Oh well, will live on Pringles and Oreos. Go to Disneyland. Go on Small World. Ella refuses to go on Pirates. Throws a fit, goes on Pirates. Go on Winnie the Pooh. Go on Winnie the Pooh. Wander about. We start to realize Disney works best with more than one couple and two tots. You know, so you can go on big kid rides, and not all alone. Go back to hotel. Decide I need a soak, Zar allows it as long as I take at least one kid, so Ella and I head for the pool. Open the gate, Ella heads right for the pool and throws herself in despite my screaming, throw myself in after her and fish her out. Soak my clothes. We sit in hot tub and talk to Canadian lady all night who informs me it's going to rain tomorrow. I inform her Disneyland is closing two hours early tomorrow. Go back to room in soggy pants and sweatshirt. Watch Bachelor.

Tuesday: Zar spikes fever in the night like an toddler with an ear infection. Moans a lot and snuffles. Spends the night shivering in the bathtub. Ella wakes up screaming with her eyes glued shut.

Cheers up with Pringles and tylenol breakfast and declares "Chips make you healthy!" Decide to upgrade to suite. Kids thrilled with bunk bed and ladder. Don't really want to go to Disneyland due to new fun park in our hotel room. Go to California Adventure in rain. Go on Ariel. Zar takes girls on Toy story and I go on California Screaming. Go on Ariel. Go on fun wheel. Go get lunch. Ella says she doesn't feel well and doesn't want to eat. Sees Ava's burrito and demands her own. Mighty fit thrown. Has bite of new seven dollar baby burrito and says it's yucky. More fit throwing. Go back to room for extended nap. Get back to D-land right before closing, just enough time to go on Winnie the Pooh. Zar goes on Splash Mountain alone despite fact is night, and February. Go back to Ca-Adventure, go on Monsters Inc, see Muppet vision, go to Bug's Life area. Unfortunately Ella thought I was saying "Buzz Light" and not "Bugs Life" all night, so another mighty fit is thrown upon reaching the much anticipated Bugs Life world. Go on a few kiddie rides, go back to room. Zar goes to get pizza without his phone, gets lost, and doesn't return for over an hour. Ella, Ava and I all throw fits due to hunger and tiredness. Unofficial facebook status is: Husband is either dead, or he is going to be upon his return." Eat pizza. Go to sleep.

Wednesday: Zar spends another night in the tub, Ella wakes up with her eyes glued shut, get dressed, get medicated, go to Disneyland. Ella wants to go on Winnie the Pooh. When I refuse to carry her from the stroller to the ride she throws herself in front of other people's double strollers and sobs. Says she is all out of walk. Stick to my guns, refuse to carry her, finally she gets up, gets in line, sobs in line, (strangers hand us wadded up kleenex) sobs throughout the hundred acre wood, sobs during Pooh's heffalump dream, sobs during Pooh's birthday party, sobs in the store where I buy my giant cookie, sobs while we sit under a tree and eat corn dogs, cookie, chips and soda, falls asleep on the way back to hotel. Her face is like red snot souffle. Wakes up feeling much better once in room, Zar desperately attempt to transfer DVD's to Ipad without success, Ava naps, Ella refuses, I go for de-stressing run in fitness center, because after all, Zar got that break the night before while searching for pizza place. Load up, head to Red Robin for dinner. Ella says she is all out of walk, but is able to crawl on her belly in the parking lot sobbing and then run off. Get back in car and head for hotel. Discuss packing up and leaving for home immediately. Discuss how we are glad this is our last Disney trip for some time. Discuss how we just wanted to spend time with our girls we love so much and then they are so naughty and that makes us soooo sad. Girls sit and glare at us from back seat of car. Ava's eyes get goopy.

Go back to Disneyland all full of hope. Go on Small World. Go on Winnie the Pooh. FOR SOME REASON allow the girls to each pick out a present (mostly to use up our expiring rewards dollars) and leave Disneyland with one baby Dumbo and one Perry the Platypus. Go to Ca-Adventure one last time, go on Ariel. Go back to room, pack up, attempt to download Super Why to Ipad from Itunes but Wi-fi is slow.

Thursday: Get up at 5:30, get in car, drive home. Miraculously girls are angels. Ella sleeps for many, many hours. Ava sleeps and quietly plays with the Ipad, with a book, with her baby elephant. I read to Zar until my throat is raw. Around 90th south girls start to lose it, and ten minutes later we arrive home. Do laundry. Feel ill. Take Nyquil. Go to sleep.

Now: Wake up with no voice (too much reading? Or super cold?) go to work, get sent right home, get strep test, negative. Laundry, blog.

It wasn't all bad. There were sweet moments. And a big cookie. It was, after all, Disneyland. But thus ends The Year of Disney, during which we were season pass holders and went ten times. (Zar eleven, for a brief jaunt alone while on a business trip.) I didn't take a lot of pictures.

I guess it was fitting as Lily's angel day trip. Like her life, it didn't go as planned, and it was a little rough, and there was much crying, but it was still sweet. And very tiring.