Wednesday, May 09, 2012


I wouldn't consider myself a fan of Coldplay. But the day we were driving up from our home to Charlotte's funeral, their song When I Ruled the World came on, and Zar said "Boofus did rule the world." And we laughed and jammed along to the song, and parts of it seemed so perfect for her, kind of haughty, kind of royal, with bells and orchestras and fanfare.

I hear Jerusalem bells a'ringing
Roman Calvary choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword my shield
My Missionary in a foreign field
For some reasons I can't explain
I know St. Peter Will call my name...

Although today I looked it up and actually it says St. Peter WON'T call my name, but it sure sounds like will, and Boofus certainly heard her name called. Anyway, it's always been a Boofus song. We imagined the choirs and the bells rejoicing as she was welcomed into heaven, and we had been her sword and shield and told her story for her in this life, and my brother was serving his mission in Greece when she passed away, and she was sure to let him know as gently as possible the morning she died. It was very special.

The other day I was driving home and another Coldplay song came on the radio. I had heard it before, but not for a long time, and I had never really listened to it. But immediately I knew that this was Lily's very own Coldplay song. Perfect for her. Sad and hopeful, holy and beautiful.

When your try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth.

Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you. 

 Oh Lily. We did try to fix you, but it wasn't what you needed. You didn't need fixing, as much as we tried. You came and got what you needed, and then lights were your guide home. Maybe we tried too hard, and should've let you go earlier. But what could we do?  We had to try. Thank you for sending me a song for you. It's so YOU, my irreplaceable treasure in heaven.


Alex said...

Oh Lil. It feels like it's been too long since I've seen a picture of her. Thanks and love you.

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Our sweet daughter went to Heaven less than 4 weeks ago. She has already played her song for us. My phone started playing I Can Only Remember by MercyMe last week. It was the song we played at her funeral as people were coming in. I have no idea how to play music on my phone, I just know that it's connected to itunes by the cloud or something. Regardless of that, last week it started playing I Can Only Imagine. It took me almost the length of the entire song to figure out how to find the music player on my phone to turn it off. Sweet baby was sending me a message. <3

marie clare said...

one of your random blog stalkers you dont know IRL, but just wanted to say I know you dont write as often anymore but I do love to read when you do write.
And I always thought it was "Roman Catholic choirs are singing" LOL
My sons Ryans song is Matt Hammitt All of Me

Erin said...

It is amazing how songs can just touch us sometimes. I just heard a song on the radio that I often hear, but for some reason the words really spoke to me at that moment. (of course, now I can't remember the song!)

Kate Park said...

Beautiful, beautiful girls.

Jen I said...

Mmmm. I do love Coldplay and those are so perfect. And so full of emotion. So fitting.