Was almost driven crazy today. Yes, they have been little annoyances. But truly, sometimes it's the little things that drive you to the edge.
It didn't help I suppose that last night, I went back in my blog to look at some pictures of Ava and her hair line, and decide whether I'm giving her traction alopecia. (no.) This brought me back to last December, when her hair was all cutely professionally done (as in done by a friend) for our final court appearance. And then I read about Lily's birthday in October which is fast approaching, and about the NICU, and about hospice, and about her death. I had recently revisited this in my Hospital posts, but only from memory. Going back and seeing is different. Seeing her little feet, her tubes, her puckered lips waiting for chap stick. Seeing her all sweet and warm and still looking so weary. So I cried and cried, and then took Ella up to read before bed, and decided there's no reason I can't have Ella see me cry (it's okay to be sad or mad, after all) and I told Ella I was sad because I missed Lily, and that made me let forth a big ole' sloppy sob, and Ella just nodded and said "Well, she's a good baby."
I agreed and we read a Cinderella book (Ella's choice) and Little Bear, (my choice) and a weird bunny book about a baby bunny who doesn't want to be a doctor or a farmer or a lion tamer, he just wants to be a daddy rabbit with lots of children, to which I say then baby bunny better find a job.
Anyways, then we went to sleep.
Back to today. This is self indulgent but I'm going to go through my small annoyances just to make myself feel justified in being annoyed.
It started my phone claims I hit "dismiss" instead of "snooze" when my alarm went off, which means I missed my early morning all-by-myself read and work out session which I have enjoyed the past few days. When I did wake up I was glaring at my phone and it's alarm and noticed an overdraft notice from my bank, and found that Ella's preschool just barely cashed her tuition check I turned in six weeks ago. And yes, I should have known it hadn't been cashed but as I eluded to, I only started watching my finances like four weeks ago. So...totally annoyed. That of course means a fee. Grrrr and I have been so careful so that just drives me nuts.
Anyway, got up, briefly thought Ella might be well enough to go to school because she didn't weep and cough all night, but she woke up with a giant deep lung type hacking, so she missed it again. (That and the check just clearing....grrrrr, preschool.)
The morning went fine and I did get some exercise in, which doesn't work as well with kids sitting on your back when you try to do plank...or maybe that's better...but here's what happened from there:
- Zar came home from work sick just in time to hear Ava slip and bonk her head on the wall after her bath. Much Screaming.
- Ava, my child who does NOT like candy, found a cutely displayed jar of candy corn on a shelf, dumped it over her head and wildly stuffed them in her mouth while I tried to clean them up. Was funny until noticed orange drool all over carpet. Did I mention I was on my hands and knees scrubbing out carpet stains YESTERDAY...
- Kids threw all my bathroom counter bottles in the slowly draining tub while I was stupidly trying to style my hair for the first time in a couple weeks.
- Kids repeatedly slipped on wet bathroom floor (from splashing) and injured themselves while I repeatedly asked them beat it, curling iron in hand.
- Kids feel neglected so start randomly screaming to point I am sure cops will be called. Also throw themselves on floor and hit heads again.
- Hair looks awful.
- Kids throw goldfish around room and grind into carpet while I dress.
- Cat barfs on carpet. (carpet now huge mess of cat vomit, orange gold fish crumbs and massive amounts of candy corn drool, at least is festive.)
- Ella goes out to garage to get into car while I put Ava's shoes on, and decides instead to crawl under car, where she gets her darling new cream colored dress all covered in black grime and oil.
- Zar lays in bed and moans.
- Meet sister, mom, and nieces at mall, eat chicken, my kids scream, her kids are angels. People stare.
- Stupidly go to Sephora to get orange Halloween nail polish, thinking fun activity for me and kids, baby pedicures. STUPIDLY let Ella carry nail polish, ordering DO NOT DROP THIS which she of course immediately does, and it splatters all over the floor, shelves, and sister. Apologize profusely and stand them dumbly asking Ella to say sorry. Feel like jerk.
- Rude construction worker gestures at me for who knows what, and I fight not to swerve into him on way home.
- Glance into back seat and don't see Ella in her car seat, nearly have a heart attack, realize I forgot to buckle her in and she has quietly left her seat and is playing on the floor of the car. Feel awful.
If you have gotten this far, you will glad to know I now feel ashamed of my list, as now looks like a normal day and perhaps it was just my mood that was different. Probably due to last night's emotion fest. Anyway, both kids fell asleep on the way home and I carried them upstairs, dumped them in their cribs and got almost two hours to watch Ghost Hunters and work on my book page rosette wreath which I finally finished. And there is beef stew in the crock pot I made for my poor sick husband, who does not seem interested in leaving the bedroom. And Ella has not had an accident in days, including two full nights in big girl undies. And got compliment from black lady at mall on Ava's spiral curls. Sometimes it takes blogging to work out what's really going on. So...I had better just shut up and post.