Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Once I took Charlotte and newborn Ella to Harmons to do the grocery shopping. It was drizzly when we left, but I needed to get out of the house. By the time we got there it was a downpour. I decided to sit in the parking lot until it let up a bit, as carrying Ella, Charlotte, a tank of oxygen, and a purse into the store in a downpour didn't' seem like the best idea. Plus I had just had a c-section. I think this was my first trip out of the house with both kids after getting out of the hospital.
Anyway. It rained and it rained and Charlotte just sat back there clicking her tongue and looking out the window, and Ella snoozed. Pretty soon I decided we had better get going. I had left the house in a desperate rush and hadn't nursed Ella before leaving, and I didn't have an unending supply of oxygen either. And I was thinking I could use a painkiller somewhat soon. (C-section, remember.) The carts around us were soaking wet so I didn't want to just dump the kids in there and make a run for it. In hindsight that would've been a better idea. So finally I hobbled out of the car, put on a sling, pulled Ella out of the car seat, stuffed her into the sling, unbuckled Charlotte and slung her over my shoulder, grabbed her tank and my purse, and made a run for it.
We made it inside. I found a cart and tried to put Charlotte in the front but the little seat was this ridiculous spring loaded contraption and I didn't have a free hand to hold it down and put her in. It kept popping up and blocking the leg holes in the cart. Charlotte was screaming over being slightly wet and the bumpy ride in. I couldn't get the oxygen off my shoulder without putting her down first, and I was worried about knocking Ella's head with the tank. I started to get frantic. I'm sure I looked like a crazy woman. Finally a store clerk came running over and helped me get Charlotte in the seat and the tank off my back. Then he saw the sling and the newborn and said "OH my goodness another one!" He proceeded to walk me about the store explaining that a woman in my situation who clearly doesn't have it together qualified for disability services and I could just have a seat and he would take my list and fill my cart for me. I said I was very grateful but I declined. Well I got my spaghetti sauce and whatever else I needed and relented when the cashier insisted I really did need to the use the drive up service. I made it home, changed Charlotte's oxygen, nursed Ella, took a pain pill and boiled up some spaghetti.
I found myself thinking about that day earlier today when I convinced myself it was just TOO MUCH TROUBLE to get my girls into a store on a nice sunny day and get some groceries. My, how times do change.

Am sick. As long as I sit still, I am okay. Hence, blogging. If I am sick, that surely means Ella of the weak stomach will be so shortly. Waiting to hear that familiar call from her room--"MOM I NEED A HUG!!! NEED A HUG!!!! URP! I THROWED UP!" Am blaming kids meal from Sonic on the way home from the zoo today. Somewhat dizzy. Perhaps this is not such a great idea.
I worked Memorial Day this year. I think next year I will take it off again. It's quite good for the soul to spend time at my girl's grave site and visit with the families who come and leave flowers for the children all around us--Ava (another one), Lily (Another one), Jonas, Adam. We went up after work, but it wasn't the same. And we missed everyone. Plus work was a BEAST.
Okay, going to go lie down.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Weekend in Arches












Missed camping these last few years. Looking forward to forcing my husband to go many times in the future. Although he loved the couscous and salmon tinfoil dinner, and I'm sure he loved carrying Ella on his shoulders up to Delicate Arch. Ella did quite well sleeping in the tent "in the desert" and hiking with BFF Caro. A few tot melt downs but what can you do? Ava stayed in SLC with Aunt Snap and lived the good life, dressing up and going to wedding showers and showing off at church. Can't wait to go again.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Carry Each Other and Do it Again



My back, feet and head hurt, my throat is sore, and I seem to be irreparably dehydrated. But U2 was so AWESOME. We had no idea we would be able to walk right up the stage. I didn't take my camera because who wants to carry around a camera for a couple way far away blurry shots of the stage? Luckily we were right up front and I had my crappy little cell phone camera.
Incredible. Quite uplifting.
One Love, One Blood
One Life, you get to to what you should
One Life with each other
Sisters, Brothers
One Life but we're not the same
We get to carry each other, carry each other.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Oh Lily.




Funny how when you have tons to do around the house it's so easy to get caught up in looking at Lily's pictures. I just want to hold her for five minutes and kiss her fluffy hair. Oh Lily.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Zar and I spoke in our Stake Conference at church last Sunday. Our topic was "How our kindness to each other allows heaven's blessings to flow unrestrained" or similar. When a member of the Stake Presidency came over asking to speak with us, I was terrified they were calling Zar to some big-time calling, and that would be the end of my church going. Controlling my children in church has been a bit of a challenge. It's hard to accept that I'm the mom with the wild kids. I don't know if it's because my first child had a different set of behaviors and issues to handle, or if my kids are just especially nuts, or if I'm just too laid back for my own good when it comes to discipline. I kind of have this perspective like "Eh, dance in the aisle during the song. Whatevs. At least we are here." I look at these families with five kids who arrive on time and groomed and sit calmly for an hour, and I'm totally amazed. I observe and try their tactics--coloring books. Baggies of cheerios. Quiet books. A stern look. But I always have the wrong crayons, or Ella wants goldfish and not cheerios, and I've lost the favorite finger puppet in the quiet book, and the stern looks are just met with a giggle and Ella taking off down the hall and Ava crawling five pews back before I notice she's gone. I'm sure it's amusing for those around us. I'm going to just cling to that. We are so charming.
Anyways, when they didn't call Zar to be a Stake Big Shot, and only asked us to speak for 12 minutes, I was so relieved I didn't worry about it at all until a few days before the meeting. Talking about all the kindnesses done to us during our "difficult times" would be easy-peasy. Lots of dinners, letters, babysitting, random acts of kindness, etc etc etc to mention. My biggest worry was leaving someone out of my mentions. Well then over dinner with my family, it came to light that Zar understood the topic to be "OUR kindness to EACH OTHER" and not "The general populations kindness to one another." I made him call the Stake Pres for clarification. Turns out Zar was right. I lamented to my mom "But we aren't that kind to each other!" My mom suggested I go ahead and say that in my talk.
So after more discussion with my hubs, and others, turns out we are kind to each other, especially when things are very rough. Less so when things are hunky dory and I want some bulbs planted and he wants to watch something on the Food Network.
So we wrote our talk together, more or less, and we gave it together. Ah yes, we were also asked to speak TOGETHER which sounded super awkward to me, but then it was nice having Zar standing there and throwing in the scripture references and such that I hadn't focused on in my talk writing. Anyway, it went fine. Better than I expected it to, and it felt super good to sit down when it was done. Phew!
It has also made Zar and I be super nice to each other these past few days. Except when I was running late for work yesterday, couldn't find my keys and was stressed about my patient. I may have yelled at Zar a bit as if he had hidden my keys and told him he couldn't just have himself a good soak in the tub when the kids were awake and I needed to leave. And then stomped out.
So I texted him later to apologize, and to apologize for waking up screaming the night before when Ella fell out of bed, and for falling into a Benadryl coma at 8:30 the night before and not packing the diaper bag. And he said it was okay, and he had found my keys in the diaper bag I didn't pack, and Ella made a big boom when she fell out of bed and scared him too, and he understands it's stressful when you can't find your keys, and that he loves me.
I texted back "Oooh I can feel heaven's blessings flowing unrestrained."
And he wrote "You are a dork."

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Vote for Fictionist!!

Hey. So I had been voting for Fictionist all along because I'm friends with Stuart's (lead singer) big bro Andrew. So today I actually decided to listen to them, and turns out they are AWESOME. So go vote for them, because they are great, and from Provo, and Mormon, and all that. I even put up their badge on my sidebar. You just gotta click 5 stars. That's it. Woo!

Ava got this book at her 1 year check up yesterday. (All well. Small body, big head. Lots of shots. Slept for 16 hours afterwards. It was crazy.)
Ella was looking through it while waiting for the shots, and began to name the obvious characters within. The little black girl with piggies is clearly Ava. The blond with piggies is Ella's blond friend Caro. The pale (boy) in blue, obviously, is Ella herself. The black boy is friend Elijah, and the pink headbanded child on the trike, clearly, is daddy.
Kids are awesome.
A few hours later Ella was perusing the Victoria's secret catalog (not normal bedtime reading material, I promise) and announced that one of the models, a blond in a white "bombshell" push-up bra, is also "Like Daddy." That is one I would have happily claimed for myself, but apparently not.
Will have to get some tips from daddy.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Happy Happy Birthday Ava Dear!


















Ava's first birthday was a wonderful celebration of a wonderful girl. It was such a relief to focus on celebrating our incredible Miracle Baby (they have all been miracles in their own way) and just be happy. I "went overboard" on the desserts according to all, especially Zar, but you can't have too many treats when partying, right? Ava smashed a cupcake and clapped for herself, and then enjoyed a strawberry and some melon, much more up her alley. She's not a big candy fan. Crazy, I know. Her beautiful birthday cake was made by a friend in our ward, Tiffany. She dropped it off at our house on Saturday while I was at work--within minutes Zar called to say Ella had climbed on the counter and stabbed it repeatedly with a pen, and broke off the top of the "1" and consumed it. Sigh. A bunch of flowers on top hid the holes and it still amazing! Ava charmed in her gold tutu and headband and Ella disappeared into grandma's backyard with her buddies for a few hours and slept like a rock afterwards. Even the weather cooperated! It was a joy in every way, just like our Ava. Happy birthday sweet girl! We thank Heaven and our lucky stars for you every single day!

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Birthdays Dresses


Ava's Birth Day


Ava is about to celebrate her first trip around the sun.
What an incredible first year she has had. What a special and beautiful girl. What a lucky family we are.
Getting ready for Ava's birthday has made me reflect on all my girl's birthdays. I realized today leaving the mall that all of them have had special Gymboree dresses for their first birthdays. (Except my sweet Lily. Something tells me what she will have in heaven will beat even gold tulle and zoo animals.)
When Charlotte turned 1 it was a huge deal, for obvious reasons. She had a sweet little pixie cut from her hair just starting to grow in from her big skull surgery a couple months prior. She had just started focusing her eyes and reaching for toys. It was very special. Her dress was a light blue sundress with embroidered zoo animals along the hem. So dear and looked so pretty on her. I still have it even though it has red mystery stains on it that won't come out. I guess she wanted to be sure no one else would get to wear it. She got a Jeep jogging stroller for her birthday. Shortly after she passed away I ran over it. Guess she didn't want anyone else enjoying that either.
When Ella turned 1 she got a pink jumper with a cupcake embroidered on the chest and a white cream shirt underneath with colorful dots on the collar. My mom also bought her a HUGE petticoat skirt in pink and brown (the colors of her birthday party) and a little long sleeve pink shirt with "1" on it in silver sparkles. She wore the petticoat happily on her birthday and since has thrown a giant fit whenever I've tried to force it on her. Little punk. She got a little rocking horse that Grandma named Taffy. When you push a button on it's ear it neighs and makes annoying trotting noises for the next five minutes. Taffy has been hidden behind the couch.
I've long planned Ava to wear a yellow dress for her birthday, after seeing pictures of a darling pink and yellow party online. I felt it would also be a good excuse for me to get some yellow heels, which I have always wanted. Finally after much searching I found a dress at Gymboree.com last night that was yellow and cute and called to put one on hold. Today I went to pick it up. While at the mall I discovered a couple things--the yellow dress wasn't as cute in person, and wasn't the correct yellow anyway, and yellow heels apparently were in last season. Or maybe the season before...I always take a couple seasons to work up the courage to wear what was "in" two years ago...
My little White Hoof in a Yellow pump I bought online which turned out to be too big, too mustard, and too stripper-esque. Figure I need yellow shoes for my brothers wedding anyway, so the search continues.

Anyway, I was thrilled to turn around and see The Perfect Birthday Dress for Ava, twice as expensive, of course, but with a vague Ethiopian vibe and gold, which is close enough to yellow anyway. She's going to look like a Princess. Stay tuned.