Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Six Years Ago


Six years ago I was in my last days of waiting for Charlotte. One day I came home from work, sat down on the mattress that was our bed at the time, and self shot this picture of my pretty little 24 year old first pregnancy belly. (Don't worry, my lower hand is strategically covering the stretch marks.)
I was feeling serene (at least that day) because I thought this journey was almost over. Within a couple weeks I expected to be induced, deliver, and hopefully, hope upon hope, spend a few precious moments holding my first born daughter before she died. At that point we prayed daily that she would be born alive. That she would breath. We didn't dare think she might breath and live and for the next 3 years and 8 months. And we were terrified of what might happen if she did.
So in this picture, I'm thinking in just a few weeks, after I go through the hardest days of my life, I will be free to lay in bed and heal and cry and read. I will spend a week in Hawaii with my family to just be away. To reflect. I will come home and go back to work. I will never really know this poor little baby inside me, this flawed and yet perfect little spirit we would name Charlotte.
I didn't know the brightest, sweetest day of my life was just around the corner. And that the journey was just beginning.

10 comments:

Jill Smith said...

When I first saw your picture, I thought how serene you looked. What a beautiful post!

We have Angel Wings said...

You look so beautiful and peaceful.

((hugs))

♥ T

Kim said...

You know I tell my OB patients that they are the best mom's for the baby that they are about to deliver and to trust their gut. Then come how and worry about everything when it comes to my little girl. How they treat her, how she will be accepted, if I am teaching her what she needs, Am I the best mom for her? I go back to Heavenly father Picked her for me, even though I can't deal with her hair and most days it is a frizzy mess. I love your blog!

Allison said...

I can't believe charlotte would be six!! wow. angel girl, angel mama.

Becky said...

BEAUTIFUL!

Carleton & Robyn said...

I remember that time very well.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe Charlotte is almost 6!

Katie said...

Hi Erin--I think this should be page 1 of the book you write about the last 6 years!! You have a wonderful way with words! Love, Mimi (even though computer says Katie is logged in!)

rick & chrysi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rick & chrysi said...

A book about your past 6 years would make me cry every time I read it just like your blog.