Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Zar and I spoke in our Stake Conference at church last Sunday. Our topic was "How our kindness to each other allows heaven's blessings to flow unrestrained" or similar. When a member of the Stake Presidency came over asking to speak with us, I was terrified they were calling Zar to some big-time calling, and that would be the end of my church going. Controlling my children in church has been a bit of a challenge. It's hard to accept that I'm the mom with the wild kids. I don't know if it's because my first child had a different set of behaviors and issues to handle, or if my kids are just especially nuts, or if I'm just too laid back for my own good when it comes to discipline. I kind of have this perspective like "Eh, dance in the aisle during the song. Whatevs. At least we are here." I look at these families with five kids who arrive on time and groomed and sit calmly for an hour, and I'm totally amazed. I observe and try their tactics--coloring books. Baggies of cheerios. Quiet books. A stern look. But I always have the wrong crayons, or Ella wants goldfish and not cheerios, and I've lost the favorite finger puppet in the quiet book, and the stern looks are just met with a giggle and Ella taking off down the hall and Ava crawling five pews back before I notice she's gone. I'm sure it's amusing for those around us. I'm going to just cling to that. We are so charming.
Anyways, when they didn't call Zar to be a Stake Big Shot, and only asked us to speak for 12 minutes, I was so relieved I didn't worry about it at all until a few days before the meeting. Talking about all the kindnesses done to us during our "difficult times" would be easy-peasy. Lots of dinners, letters, babysitting, random acts of kindness, etc etc etc to mention. My biggest worry was leaving someone out of my mentions. Well then over dinner with my family, it came to light that Zar understood the topic to be "OUR kindness to EACH OTHER" and not "The general populations kindness to one another." I made him call the Stake Pres for clarification. Turns out Zar was right. I lamented to my mom "But we aren't that kind to each other!" My mom suggested I go ahead and say that in my talk.
So after more discussion with my hubs, and others, turns out we are kind to each other, especially when things are very rough. Less so when things are hunky dory and I want some bulbs planted and he wants to watch something on the Food Network.
So we wrote our talk together, more or less, and we gave it together. Ah yes, we were also asked to speak TOGETHER which sounded super awkward to me, but then it was nice having Zar standing there and throwing in the scripture references and such that I hadn't focused on in my talk writing. Anyway, it went fine. Better than I expected it to, and it felt super good to sit down when it was done. Phew!
It has also made Zar and I be super nice to each other these past few days. Except when I was running late for work yesterday, couldn't find my keys and was stressed about my patient. I may have yelled at Zar a bit as if he had hidden my keys and told him he couldn't just have himself a good soak in the tub when the kids were awake and I needed to leave. And then stomped out.
So I texted him later to apologize, and to apologize for waking up screaming the night before when Ella fell out of bed, and for falling into a Benadryl coma at 8:30 the night before and not packing the diaper bag. And he said it was okay, and he had found my keys in the diaper bag I didn't pack, and Ella made a big boom when she fell out of bed and scared him too, and he understands it's stressful when you can't find your keys, and that he loves me.
I texted back "Oooh I can feel heaven's blessings flowing unrestrained."
And he wrote "You are a dork."


Carleton & Robyn said...

So funny. I wish I could have heard your talk. We discovered the markers that only show up on the coloring book (we call them surprise colors). Carleton can now focus in church and isn't worried about making a mess and they love them. My theory is is if I'm paying attention, they'll eventually pay attention. Maybe other moms think I'm too chill too.

AussieJenn said...

You made me smile....and think about the way I talk to my partner....hmmm some lessons to learn me thinks! Thanks for sharing. I guess we are all human, flaws and cuteness and all.

Team Carter Jay said...

Your last sentence made me lol because this is so my husband.

Stefanie Miller said...

I love it! Wish I could have been there to hear you guys speak. You are so funny- I loved that text conversation at the end of your post.

g said...

I have to be honest...I have been reading your blog the last three days like I would a novel. It's been, funny, sad, intense, and very touching. Not to mention exactly what I need right now. I have had some very trying times in my life and have lost some loved ones and still struggle. It has been so refreshing to read your words. You are so upfront and honest, just the way I like it! I am so sorry about your loss, your two little angels are beautiful and so special, and I feel honored to have even gotten to know them through your blog. Your Ava and Ella are such dolls too. I just love little girls, they are so much fun! I have two little girls of my own and feel an instant kinship with anyone else that has girls too as silly as that sounds. Thanks again for sharing your story, keep on bloggin, I know you are blessing others:)

g said...

By the way I just used my husbands account to write you. Please feel free to write me anytime

Becky said...

I love you guys! Keepin' it real. :)

Mrs. Langeland said...

Holy cow! Your blog is so cute. I haven't actually clicked on to it in a while (stinking google reader), and am so glad that I did!

I am glad your talk went well, you and Zar are quite amazing, so I am not surprised. I am sad that I didn't finish reading it. Unfortunately the poop and screaming child just had to be delt with. See, my children can be a handfull too!