Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sunday was the 2 week anniversary of Lily's death. Monday was the 2 year anniversary of Charlotte's. So did I go for a walk, release balloons, pray, look at pictures, cry, laugh, remember, leave flowers? Nope. I managed to make myself so busy I hardly had to think about it. Sigh.
Last year on Charlotte's angel day we went to her grave with friends and family and did a balloon release and wrote memories of her and went to eat. This year I managed to wrangle a friend's shift from her at work so I could get the holiday pay. We did spend time with family but I've been sick and spent most of the time wrapped in a blanket on the couch. I feel bad, guilty even, but it is just too much right now. Too much too close together. I don't want to go see the fresh grave in the snow. I don't want to think about Lily's headstone, or work on feeling or healing, or talk much about any of it.
I just need to regroup for a minute. I'm feeling disconnected and feverish and tired. Right now I'm going to go take a shower and dry my hair instead of passing out on the bed to wake to a matted mess an hour later. I'm going to go to the grocery store for the first time in a couple months and make some meal plans. I'm going to take down Lily's baby play gym. Or maybe I'll just leave that up awhile longer.