Thursday, February 17, 2011
A Gift of Time
A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life is Expected to Be Brief
By Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah L David PH.D
I've been meaning to share about this for a few weeks. While I was pregnant with Charlotte I was on the lookout for any books or resources to help me though carrying to term while knowing my baby would not be long for this world. The best resources I found were www.benotafraid.net and the book "Waiting with Gabriel", about a baby with only half a heart and his mother choosing to carry to term.
This book, A Gift of Time, came out a few weeks ago. I immediately bought it on my kindle, because I had been receiving email updates on its publishing for years. I had sent in an email when Charlotte was a baby about my experience carrying to term. This book is wonderful. It is informative, it is real, it is comforting, it is practical, and it is very sad. I wish I would have had this book while I was pregnant with Charlotte, and with Lily. Over 100 parents are interviewed and quoted throughout, and I am one of them. It makes me happy to see Charlotte's name there in print (even in e-ink) and hope her story will help moms and dads going through this. Out of my entire experience with Charlotte and Lily, I can honestly say the hardest time was while I was pregnant with Charlotte. The terrible unknown, feeling so alone, afraid of the birth, afraid of what she would look like, if I would even love her, etc. This book addresses all of that, and what comes after. In fact I read the last few chapters the night before Lily passed away. Even though I'm a nurse and I had been through this before, it was still helpful to read about the dying process, about the decisions that need to be made after death, about relinquishing Lily's body, which is another very difficult moment. Luckily that moment was made much easier by a very caring and respectful mortuary worker. Not everyone has that experience.
This book certainly isn't book club fare or casual reading, but if you happen to hear of a mother who has chosen to carry to term despite a bad prenatal diagnosis, I hope you will direct them to this book or buy them a copy. It covers EVERYTHING you go through. It also covers the first big decision, which is whether to carry to term or terminate the pregnancy, and obviously it is geared towards parents who choose to carry to term. This may not be the right choice for every family, but it was the right choice for us, (both times) and this book would have been so helpful to have. I'm so glad it's available and that I was a part of it!
I have been told I should consider writing a book about Charlotte and Lily, and I have even sat down a few times and tried to start, and never really got anywhere. If I never get around to that, at least I was a part of this.