Friday, January 28, 2011

A Lightness of Being

Is it ridiculous that thinking of Hospice brought that phrase to mind?
We have been in hospice care for less than 48 hours, and I am in love with it. Making the phone call was difficult--my voice shook, I felt like the operator should burst out "oh you poor thing!" but she didn't.
Two nights ago Bill the night nurse came over and had us sign some papers, looked over Lily and pronounced her pink and precious.
The next day the day nurse, Sunny, came over, with the social worker. We discussed Lily, discussed staying out of the ER, and what might be done to make sure that happens. So throughout the day, I had five new tanks of oxygen delivered, tender grips for those slippery cheeks, tubing, a chaplain for emotional support, and our very own suction machine. No more 3 hour trips to the doctors for a good deep snuffing!
I love the idea that we have someone other than 911 to call in the night if Lily just doesn't seem comfortable. I love that, in that case, we have medications available and on hand to help her calm down. I love that all our needs--from oxygen to feeding supplies to "someone to pray with us" is available at one number 24 hours a day.
I just feel relieved.
It has really helped me get down to the good stuff--enjoying Lily. Taking a long nap with her in bed after an exhausting photo shoot with usually quite photogenic and camera loving Ella. Bathing, patting her, and loosening her goo and then being able to get in there after it! (tmi?) I just feel supported and taken care of and it is so, so comforting.
Last night I fell asleep on the floor at 7:20 and didn't wake up until Zar drop kicked me up to bed at 11. I was tired from the busy day with all our visitors, tired from taking care of three babies (one of whom screamed rudely at me and tired from the slight illness I picked up after being barfed on two days ago. But also I think I was just relieved, and relaxed, and feeling like it was a safe time to finally just let go and briefly let down my guard.
Although I apologize to Zar for not responding to any of his questions, and not helping get the girls in bed, and not remembering all of this the next morning.


Anonymous said...

I am so glad the hospice call resulted in such immediate results and help of all kinds. How wonderful! Now, hopefully, you can just enjoy Lily more and snuggle more with her without the worry hanging over your head quite so much.


MFA Mama said...

I'm so very glad hospice has been able to help you so much! That has got to be a real load off your mind, and I'm glad you're feeling some relief.

Lacey said...

so happy for you, sounds wonderful and so awesome that you got that much sleep!

April said...

We were on hospice for 10 months with Caleb and it really was a blessing to have the support- tender as it was... thinking of you...

We have Angel Wings said...

I think about you everyday. I wish I lived closer, I'd love to come cuddle and snuggle with the girls.. maybe even help dump out the basket of socks! That sounds like so much fun!!

I'm so happy to hear that you're getting the much needed support. I bet it's a weight lifted off your shoulders. ((hugs))

♥ T