Thursday, November 04, 2010

Perfect words.

"Would you like a boy or girl?" and I reply
all blushing, body blooming like a rose
"It doesn't matter much to me; all I
want is ten fingers and ten fine strong toes-
A healthy baby with a lusty cry."

Such strange conditions, idly placed upon
our love of children born beneath our hearts.
As if we would not love a little one
that's formed awry, confusion in it's parts-
or treasure legs we know will never run.

Can you not stay, my baby? We'll repair
your damaged body, if you'll but live.
I fold myself in faith, hide from despair
Remain awhile--we have so much to give
each other--so much joy to share.

I mourn each problem but do not forget
The spirit held here by your mortal clay
I know that all will be restored--and yet
beg for this sooner-can't it be today?-
and weep for hopes all shattered, dreams unmet.

You're such a welcome burden, so I cry
to our shared Father, He who understands
and cares for me and loves you more than I
know how. Your fragile life rests in His hands.
And I? I'll raise you now...or by and by.

--Louise Helps


Anonymous said...

Erin, I've sitting here, trying to think what to say. What I really want to do is make the pain go away, to make it all better. I admire your ability ti share your story with us and let us be part of your family.

I may have told you we had a baby, Sarah, pass away before birth. I was halfway through my pregnancy when we found out. I lived in a ward where everyone was pregnant or just had a baby. Both my sister and sister-in-law were pregnant and we were all due as well. I didn't want anyone to know, I didn't want to be the topic of gossip for the next few months. But we had an amazing bishop and RS president who gave me time to tell people when I was ready.

When we went to the hospital to be induced, I was so miserable. My body simply would not give this baby up and after 24 hours, I begged the doctor to send me home. I had Sarah at home. I didn't get to hold her, (her egg sack delivered intact, fluid and all), but I got to look at her. She was perfectly formed and I could count fingers and toes.

A few years later, I saw Sarah as a young woman. I had always described her as looking like her father, with red hair and blue eyes. She actually had dark hair and eyes--I think she wanted me to know that. It was amazing!

Sarah would have been 21 this past September. I don't always think of her on her birthday but I always think of her in Fall. Fall is my favorite time of year and it is probably because of Sarah. When the leaves fall, that's when I think of her.

I want you to know, they live! They are with us always. We are privileged to have children who will live in the Celestial Kingdom! We know where they are and they made it! I know families are eternal, and even when we can't see them, they see us. This life is literally just a blink of an eye in God's time. Hang on a little bit longer.

Susan said...

Beautifully said.

Sarah said...

Those are some perfect words. I'm hurting for you so much, Erin. There is nothing worse than watching your baby suffer so greatly. I hope you can keep the peace of the spirit with you as you face these indescribable circumstances.

TMI Tara said...

What a beautiful call to God, a reminder to consider the Lilies. I echo your cries that Lily will be restored and better soon and I will continue to pray and hope right along with you.

Happy (belated) birthday. xo

{ Bethany } said...


TMI Tara said...

I am going to post this on kidz unless you tell me otherwise. Thanks for the other post, it's scheduled for this Sunday. You're an amazing person and I'm grateful you're aware of how much Heavenly Father loves you and your family and will meet your needs. Praying for you always... Tara