Sunday, October 17, 2010

Welcome Lily Elizabeth




Lily was born this morning at 7:48 am via C-section. Before she was born the nurse had commented on what a good sized baby she appeared to be, and I had told her I just had a lot of fluid. Both turned out to be true. Lily is 7 lbs 13 oz and 20 inches long. As anticipated it was such a relief to have her born. She didn't cry immediately but soon made little mews and Zar went to be with her. Apparently her hair is ridiculously long in the back like a mullet but I haven't really seen for myself.
She was wiped down and weighed and brought to me, and I held her flat on my back with Zar's help for a few minutes. I kept sending her back to the nurses because she keep looking a bit blue or grunting a bit.
We took her to my room where we met with my parents and our girls, (and got a squeal and a kiss from Ella) my sister Alex and Doug, Zar's parents and my brother in law Weston and Stephanie. Lily was held and passed around and her size and sweet round face was commented on. Then while I was holding her she began grunting and struggling more, and the NICU staff was called. We decided to give her a name and a blessing right then instead of trying to wait to do it the same day as Ava in our ward, which would've been special but we felt it best to do it now. The NICU staff found her oxygen sats to be quite low and her blood sugar was only 28, so we elected to send her with them for an IV and some O's. We had decided not to intubate at this point.
Zar went with her and she was put on C-pap for a few minutes to open her lungs, and got some surfactant and an IV on the first stick, although her veins are tiny just like Charlotte's, darn it.
She is no longer on C-pap but is on high flow oxygen via nasal cannula. Zar is staying with her and coming up to see me periodically for updates and a hand squeeze. I'm supposed to be getting some rest but I can't seem to quite relax.
Neither of us at this point has any inclination on what is going to happen or what is the right thing to do. I would rather not intubate if at all possible. We are praying that the decisions are not difficult and Lily helps us make them without regrets or trauma. She looks so big and healthy it's hard to accept that she is not doing as well as we had hoped. Why does she have such a nice round head and big chubby limbs and a sweet little mouth and long strong fingers if this is it? I know these are unfair questions but she just looks so healthy. Robust even! She is also tongue-tied, has a short neck and low set ears, which are typical of the chromosomally enhanced.
Zar and I are praying and planning as best we know how. She could easily pick up and start doing better, but right now I'm discouraged for her long term health. We could use your prayers and thoughts, we are grateful for all the support and love, we are so, so grateful for our families and our little girls, all four of them.
It's hard for me to sit here all hooked up and groggy and do nothing. It's hard to be thinking these may be our only memories with Lily and I'm itching my eyes out from the drugs and my other girls are not here. It's hard and probably not wise to be blogging while under the influence of benadryl and nubain but I want to remember what I'm feeling, even if those feelings are not clear.
I'm still feeling peaceful and I know things will be okay, but I won't say there haven't been a lot of tears already.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are in our thoughts. Much love, Kay and Fred

Anonymous said...

Dearest Erin-Thanks for being our tour guide in this amazing mission of discovery. So glad to see Lily Elizabeth's perfectly beautiful face. I enlarged the photo to see her perfectly shaped little nose and tiny amazing mouth. You and Zar are the parents of four incredibly beautiful little miracle babies. Love, Hugh and Sharon

Misty said...

I know I keep repeating myself, but I really have been thinking about you all day and I pause to pray for you all everytime you enter my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I love the Daddy/Daughter photo! Way to go Zar. It is a big day for all - most especially Lily Elizabeth, the lucky little girl to have such great parents.

xoxoCarolyn H.

kristen said...

she is beatuiful Erin!

Anonymous said...

Dear Erin and Zar--What dear and wonderful people you are and what a beautiful family you have! Thank you beyond our ability to express for sharing this experience with us. We are holding all of you very close to our hearts with our thoughts of you and our prayers for you. Lily Elizabeth is a precious gift, as are Ava and Ella and Charlotte and their parents and grandparents. We love you all! Mimi and Tom

Lincoln said...

:)

Susan said...

May God be with you all.
Much love,
Susie

Susan said...

May God be with you all.
Much love,
Susie

Jenny said...

oh my goodness she looks just like an angel. Lily is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us. We'll make sure our prayers reflect those things you are praying for as well...peace in your decisions, knowing what decisions to make...I know we don't know each other, but I feel such overwhelming love for you. Your family really is in our prayers.
Much love,
Jenny

Emily Collins said...

Hoping for the best for you and your darling family. You are in my thoughts.

Becky said...

Oh Erin! I can't even imagine the roller coaster of emotions you are feeling. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Praying. That's all we can do. Sending love right along with my prayers!

Olya said...

What a beautiful little girl! Praise God for safe delivery. I will continue praying for her specific needs.

Ann said...

She is so beautiful...congratulations!

Keeping you and your family in my prayers...

Ann

Anonymous said...

Lily is beautiful and thank you for sharing your experiences with us. You make our lives' richer.

MFA Mama said...

I've been refreshing your blog today like a maniac! Congratulations on the birth of Lily, and I hope that she is just having a rough transition to life outside the womb and starts doing better ASAP.

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Your family has been in my thoughts all day. I pray that Lily turns around and shows you how strong she can be. Praying for a good night! She is beautiful. :)

TMI Tara said...

Oh she is SO beautiful. My prayers and thoughts have been with you ALL day and will continue to be. I'm so glad you're writing about your emotions during these sacred hours. Sending much love to all of you.

Anonymous said...

She is Beautiful! I have had you i my thoughts all day. Our prayers are with you all. I do hope you both have a very peaceful night. Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful family and experiences with us all. God Be with you.
Jeanine

{ Bethany } said...

She is so beautiful, it IS hard to believe there could be anything wrong. Chubby, pink, and pretty! Its not fair, just not at all. Lily is in my heart and in my thoughts and in my prayers. I hope against all hope she doesn't have to be intubated. Praying for all of you. I love you, Erin, and I wish I could do more than just send words and prayers. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I know the anxiety of waiting for results in the hospital, and trying to love a new little soul while trying to be realistic, too. I pray you will be able to make decisions with peace and assurance.

PS. watch the mail! I sent you a gift.

~Bethany

Kalleen at Second Street said...

What a beautiful baby and name to go with her. You are in our prayers. I have no idea what you are going through, but I look up to you a lot. You are amazing.