Lily was born this morning at 7:48 am via C-section. Before she was born the nurse had commented on what a good sized baby she appeared to be, and I had told her I just had a lot of fluid. Both turned out to be true. Lily is 7 lbs 13 oz and 20 inches long. As anticipated it was such a relief to have her born. She didn't cry immediately but soon made little mews and Zar went to be with her. Apparently her hair is ridiculously long in the back like a mullet but I haven't really seen for myself.
She was wiped down and weighed and brought to me, and I held her flat on my back with Zar's help for a few minutes. I kept sending her back to the nurses because she keep looking a bit blue or grunting a bit.
We took her to my room where we met with my parents and our girls, (and got a squeal and a kiss from Ella) my sister Alex and Doug, Zar's parents and my brother in law Weston and Stephanie. Lily was held and passed around and her size and sweet round face was commented on. Then while I was holding her she began grunting and struggling more, and the NICU staff was called. We decided to give her a name and a blessing right then instead of trying to wait to do it the same day as Ava in our ward, which would've been special but we felt it best to do it now. The NICU staff found her oxygen sats to be quite low and her blood sugar was only 28, so we elected to send her with them for an IV and some O's. We had decided not to intubate at this point.
Zar went with her and she was put on C-pap for a few minutes to open her lungs, and got some surfactant and an IV on the first stick, although her veins are tiny just like Charlotte's, darn it.
She is no longer on C-pap but is on high flow oxygen via nasal cannula. Zar is staying with her and coming up to see me periodically for updates and a hand squeeze. I'm supposed to be getting some rest but I can't seem to quite relax.
Neither of us at this point has any inclination on what is going to happen or what is the right thing to do. I would rather not intubate if at all possible. We are praying that the decisions are not difficult and Lily helps us make them without regrets or trauma. She looks so big and healthy it's hard to accept that she is not doing as well as we had hoped. Why does she have such a nice round head and big chubby limbs and a sweet little mouth and long strong fingers if this is it? I know these are unfair questions but she just looks so healthy. Robust even! She is also tongue-tied, has a short neck and low set ears, which are typical of the chromosomally enhanced.
Zar and I are praying and planning as best we know how. She could easily pick up and start doing better, but right now I'm discouraged for her long term health. We could use your prayers and thoughts, we are grateful for all the support and love, we are so, so grateful for our families and our little girls, all four of them.
It's hard for me to sit here all hooked up and groggy and do nothing. It's hard to be thinking these may be our only memories with Lily and I'm itching my eyes out from the drugs and my other girls are not here. It's hard and probably not wise to be blogging while under the influence of benadryl and nubain but I want to remember what I'm feeling, even if those feelings are not clear.
I'm still feeling peaceful and I know things will be okay, but I won't say there haven't been a lot of tears already.