This is it.
Zar is home today which I am very grateful for. We took the girls to our favorite pumpkin patch this morning and now are taking care of last minute house things for when I'm gone--mowing the lawn, getting rid of the fruits and veggies that won't get eaten, final packing.
We went out last night and stopped by Bath and Body Works to pick out a "smell" for Lily. We did this with Charlotte and picked out Moonlit Path for her, which still brings back sweet Boofus memories when I smell it. The idea is to use the scent while you are in the hospital making memories with your baby so it becomes a part of those days, and it seems to work. We chose Cherry Blossom for Lily.
Lily was very active last night and couldn't keep still; maybe sensing that I'm finally starting to tune into what's less than a day away.
I'm still holding off on the anxiety, which is good. I keep remembering being dropped off at the entrance of the Women's Pavilion while Zar parked the car the night before Charlotte was born. I was going in to be induced that time and I stood waiting for my husband, clutching my pillow to my belly and just shaking, teeth chattering, staring at my feet. That moment will come but most likely will not last long. Probably in the car on the way to the hospital tomorrow at 5:45 am. I had it briefly immediately before Ella was born in the operating room, because after all we didn't know FOR SURE that she wasn't also affected by trisomy, and I could sense the nervousness of everyone around me that she would be born and clearly have something wrong with her. And then the shock was how BIG and red she was. With Ava I had no control and stood there helpless in my "dad suit" in the operating room waiting to see her lifted out, afraid she wouldn't be healthy either. What a relief to see her sweet little self! Anxiety is normal.
So here I am with a baby we know isn't your healthy typical robust baby girl. We know a few things--that she is chromosomally enhanced, that she has a lot of hair, that her head looks round, that her face is sweet, that her heart looks strong. But we don't know what will happen when it's time for her own little heart and lungs to take over. We don't know if the work will be too much for them. We don't know if she will cry. We don't know if she will even take that first breath. With Charlotte we just wanted one little cry, one little breath, but even when that didn't come right away it was okay. I just have to expect that if that is the case this time, and the cry doesn't come, I will know it's okay again. That I will feel God's arms around me and Charlotte holding my own heart and know it's what's right and that all is well.
That it was enough.
I will be updating my blog tomorrow via my cell phone. I will try to at least give a brief update soon after her arrival. I will also probably update my status on good ole' facebook, and pictures will follow soon after. My dad says the hospital has wi-fi, so once things calm down we will try and get some details up.
Thanks so much for following us on this journey and whatever happens tomorrow I know I will have a lot to ramble on about in the coming weeks.