Wednesday, June 10, 2009


We still don't have Internet at home so my blogging moments are few and far between.

We're letting things rest on the reproductive front for now. Technically we are "waiting" for some more test results but who knows when those will come in, (you would think I'd be more concerned about $2000 test results) and I'm pretty sure what those results will show. I'm hoping at that point we will be able to let go of IVF if that's what's right, and move forward towards adoption with excitement and certainty.

My sister is getting married in a few weeks and the festivities have already begun.
My brother gets home from Greece on the same day as my 10 year high school reunion so that's exciting as well. He'll meet his niece Ella for the first time. When he left 2 years ago we both knew that Charlotte wouldn't be here when he got back, but we didn't say it then. He held her a long time and cried and it was in both our minds. He's the one not holding an umbrella in the picture.

My car is making a funny noise.

Ella is good and scooting herself into corners or under tables and screaming for help. She is in the 7th percentile for weight these days at 15 lbs.

Last night I was starting out the window of the workshop at the monument shop at the thunderstorm and the rose bushes across State Street at the Zions Bank Building. The rain was coming down hard and you could smell the wet stone from piles and piles of granite out back. My brother in law Weston was working on Charlotte's headstone. It's going to be just how I pictured it and up in time for her 4th birthday. I thought how ten years ago I was graduating from high school assuming that by now I would be uber-successful and have a few kids to boot. And here I am after hours at Nu-Art Memorial surrounded by other people's headstones--a temple, a teddy bear, lots of forget-me-nots--and my daughter is having her stone carved. The back will be left blank, for my name, eventually. Life is so funny!

Charlotte's stone is light gray granite with a cherry blossom branch along the side. We got a card from Charlotte's cardiologist that said that Cherry blossoms stand for a short life, well lived. That's Charlotte for sure. Her butterfly is perched above her name which is on one line, Caslon font. The butterfly's wings are open, so you don't have to see it's little buggy legs.

I'll post pictures soon. I feel so much more calm having it so close to being done. Last night was one of those surreal evenings I will always remember, as I did one of the last things I can do for Charlotte. Or watched, at least.

5 comments:

Shannon said...

Oh Erin- that must have been such a crazy day for you. Rewarding- but awful. I am glad that Boof will have a stone soon- and it sounds beautiful. I love the butterfly- and the cherry blossom branch is very fitting. I am excited to see how it turns out.

survivingbaby said...

Cherry blossom were often associated with Samauri warriors in Japan - a good, honest, well-lived life and a closed blossom represents a life ended too short (I'll email you my tattoo for the boys). I think that describes Charlotte to a "T." Also, I need to tell you, when I am having a really bad day, I come to your page and see that picture of Ella and just smile. Her goofy grin makes me believe that things are possible.

Becky said...

It sounds beautiful! I hope you post pictures when it's finished. So many things going on in your life. You continue to amaze me, my friend!

EMILY said...

Erin, I'm "blog stalking" you from Becky and Ben Orton's blog. I have a beautiful special son named Hunter. He has a severe brain malformation called Lissencephaly. I have been sitting here just balling as I've read through some of your latest posts about Charlotte. I just want you to know that you have touched me to my core. I hope I can handle whatever trials we have ahead of us with as much grace as you. Thank you. ~Emily Bennett

Anonymous said...

Charlotte's grave marker sounds beautiful and with Weston doing it, I know it will be. I'm excited for you for your sister's wedding and brother's return.

We will forever think of Charlotte with fondness and appreciation for all she taught all of us.


Much love, Carolyn H.