Sunday, April 12, 2009
I'm going to be perfectly honest. I'm worried about Ella. I told myself, and everyone else, that I wouldn't compare Ella to any other baby. I said that I'd already had that kind of stress with Charlotte, and now I've learned that kids develop on their own terms in their own time. So I'm embarrassed to say that I'm scared. Not a lot. But a tiny bit.
Ella is tiny. When she was born she was 8 pounds, four ounces, a good, chunky sized baby. By her four month appointment, she was just under 12 pounds, and had dropped to to the 10th percentile for weight. She is now six months old, as of yesterday. From what I can tell from my fiddlings with the bathroom scale, she is about 13.5 pounds. Which is what, the 5th percentile? A little less?
We were paying $450 a month for my insurance, fantastic, premium insurance at a part time rate, and with Boo, it was worth it. I canceled it right after she left us. We are now on my husbands less fantastic insurance, insurance that makes physicians (like my dad) roll their eyes and say "Oh Great." So we've had to change pediatricians, and I can't get into our new one for three more weeks.
I'm probably being dumb, because developmentally Ella is right on track. She can sit for brief moments on her own. She is eating solid food, she rolls both ways and is trying to crawl, she babbles and laughs and is a happy, darling baby.
And that's the other thing. She is so, so happy. She has had two fits in her life, she doesn't cry much, she just smiles and laughs and coos all..the...time. I probably shouldn't complain, but is that normal?
And she has very sensitive skin. It actually has gotten better, but her chest is covered with rough bumps and she breaks out into hives when dogs lick her.
And that's it. I'm being ridiculous, right? I've just lost a child. A wonderful child, with special needs, and maybe I know a little too much about genetic disorders, and development, and what can go wrong. Getting started with IVF, and the genetic counseling, and the testing, has made me look at Ella and say "How is it possible you were born normal?" Because really, the chances are very small.