Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Ellasaurus is an angel baby. I feel guilty bragging but it's nothing I did--she is just a natural sleeper. Yesterday I woke up at 6:30 am trying to remember when I fed her last, which turned out to be 10 pm the previous evening. Sneaking into her room I whisper "Elwa?" and she starts awake and does her dinosaur squak and I feed her, and she drops back to sleep for another two hours. This morning she got up at 5:30, but only because big sister had a bad dream and woke up wailing. Charlotte then did her usual, laying in bed from 5:30-6:30 laughing, calling for mom ("Ha? Ha?") and pulling off her oxygen. On last check she was face planted in her mattress snoring away.
It's 8 am and one of those rare mornings I decide to take some serious me-time and go to the gym at 6am. Hilarious how me-time is now going to the gym, when it used to be a neccesary evil that happened to make me feel good.
To those who think I lead a rough life with Charlotte and her emergencies and medical devices, don't worry. Most nights I sleep at least 7 consecutive hours, and thats with a seven week old baby. Some days I get to the gym. I have sister-night and a lunch with Amanda and Jack almost weekly. I'm fine and we are fine.
If there is anything I've learned it's that Charlotte is in God's hands and so am I. Sometimes I forget that and freak out and cry and sob that it's not fair, but God can do anything, and He made her just as she is meant to be. One day He will take her home and that will be hard for me, but not for her. For her it will be a huge celebration, with those who went before her clapping and hugging her, notably her great grandma I never met, her 2nd favorite pooch Molly--and she will be walking and not have anything taped to her face or stuck in her ear or surgically implanted in her tummy. It will be the ultimate graduation party. For the rest of my life she'll be watching me and sending me "tinks" as we call them on the trisomy message board, little signs to say she's happy and here. To think of losing her breaks my heart, but if I could see what awaits her I know it would be hard to ask her to stay.
Charlotte is fine, no better or worse than ever, but now and then she reminds us to treasure the time we have with her, with everyone. You never know, you just never know!

1 comment:

Lincoln said...

Well said Bean, well said. I'm glad you're back writing again. I like your writing.