Tuesday, August 06, 2013

It's Summer, Man, Where do we begin?

I like fall the best. But I am focusing very hard on enjoying the moment and not getting overly excited about September when we still have a few precious weeks before school starts and such. This will be the first time I've had both the kids in school, and yes, it's just preschool, but still. Our annual trip to Newport Beach is still kinda "What Summer Means to Me" and once it's over it might as well be Fall. Kinda like once Christmas is over winter becomes nothing but drudgery. However, January and February are awful, horrid months and August...is not.
These girls love the beach. Ella in particular is a major water baby (water big girl) and can spend all day in the freezing surf begging to have a grown up hold her hand and take her deeper so she can be pummeled and rolled by the big waves and come up gasping and smiling. Ava is happy to be on the warm sand building castles with her cousins and sneaking sips from the adults diet cokes.

Sand Volcano

We only spent a week a year in Newport and yet I keep almost typing "I grew up on this beach" which isn't remotely true...I grew up in Utah. Yet my most vivid memories all the way back to toddler hood involves this trip. I could wax poetic and pretend it's because I was born here and the sea calls my name...but really I just like vacation. And cool mornings and walks. And the ocean, although I barely make it all the way in once a year anymore, why does it have to be so frigid!!?
Anyway, I am so happy to be blessed with the opportunity to let my girls continue the tradition of growing up on the beach...for a few days a year anyway. Already it seems to be as precious to them as it is to me. They bring it up daily and I say "next year, next year. After the fair and Halloween and Christmas and then the terrible winter." And Ava says "I love the winter! I catch the snowflakes on my tongue! Blaaaah!" 
So maybe we will survive it after all. 

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Ella, Ava and I on Ava's birthday. Lily is there too,  in utero. 

I have been reading blogs again and such. It's because I am working on my master's project and it has to do with poor prenatal diagnosis and carrying to term, and therefore I'm all involved again. It's been quite emotional, if you must know, and I'm still in the literature review stage. However reading through blogs again reminds me how therapeutic blogging can be, as well as how nice it is to have things written down for the future. Heaven knows my memory is failing, and although Charlotte and Lily are both safe and sound, I have two other little girls who are just beginning their stories. So, just for me, maybe I should try to blog again.
Last time I blogged was in February after Hawaii. Since then we've just been enjoying the summer, dreading the winter, spending time with family and working, both at work and on my degree. The plan is to finish the degree and hopefully start a new job in 2014, maybe one at which I can work from home. We shall see.
We are healthy and happy, and getting healthier. We ran our 4th half marathon a couple weeks ago and Zar beat his best time by 15 minutes and his worst by over an hour, he's become very dedicated to his health and it's great. Sometimes it motivates me, sometimes it exhausts me. This week it's been motivating.
The girls start preschool in a few weeks and when I'm not at work I will have a morning or two a week to myself to run, or to work on my project, according to Zar. Or nap. Maybe blog.
Anyway, I am going to try and check in more often. Now it's in writing.

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Lily fish

also, Ella got this fish that reminds me of someone dear. 


February ended. We went to Hawaii.

The last time we were there was in 2005 with 2 week old Charlotte. What an adventure we've lived since then. What a lovely little life we have lived and continue to live.

we are happy. 

Tuesday, February 05, 2013


I can't stand February in SLC.
 First of all, it's disgusting out. The air is like sludge and huge looming black piles of filthy snow line the roads. Life feels like drudgery and I find a sticky spot in a cupboard and feel like we might as well tear the house down. Hopeless.
I am grateful, each day, that I don't have a little one with severely compromised lungs at home. I remember the guilt and fear of watching a little girl breath brown thick air around her oxygen prongs and I'm grateful that time is over.
My little girls now cough and and their noses run and I say "When it's warm we will go to the park and play in the water! We will go to the beach! We will ride bikes and scooters and swing and go hike in the canyon!" The girls sigh and say "But today can we go to McDonalds?"
Blech. February is terrible.
I imagine my girls in heaven, and think they can't even see us for this smog, but I know that's not true. I know they are near and I think "Yuck, but why would they want to be? I would stay away."
I trudge along on the treadmill in the basement and look at the insulation and the dismantled crib in the corner. I'll feel better after I run, I think. I feel sweaty. Afterwards, cold and clammy.
Every time I walk into work I brace myself for the latest on what I've done wrong. Clocked in a minute early. Clicked the wrong box. I just want to shrug and roll my eyes. I can hardly breath let alone think. Who cares?
It's February 5th and I've had it. What happened to cozy winter? February, that's what.
All I want to do is lay in bed and read. All I want to eat is chocolate. All I want to do is grouse until it's over. So I thought I'd stop in and do just that.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Santa Baby

So cute. This years Santa pics turned out quite a bit better than last years. I will post a reminder. And believe it or not, they cost about the same. Sheesh.
Also, no build a bear this year. Yick. Who has money for that?! A candy cane and a drive through the lights will do. Ah, more magical memories.

Monday, December 10, 2012